Earth Day

Earth Day

Hi, today, I am a friend of Scott and Katie, who have graciously allowed me to guest-blog, today. Personally, I think saving the environment is important. Hell, I would take a bullet for the environment, if asked. Seeing how Earth Day is coming rather quickly on April 22, I wanted to express some simple tips to help make the world a better place:

Stop eating. Why waste our precious resources? Remember, plants feel pain, too.

If you are going to protest for the environment, make sure to encourage the police to use biodegradable clubs when they beat you.

Walking around naked saves heavily on clothing materials, as well as uses less water and detergent. Unfortunately, your hospital and legal bills will probably increase.

Exercise is another waste of precious resources. Don't go to football practice, walk, have sex. Just sit there.

Pee down your shower drain. It will save a gallon of water. Pooping down your shower drain will result in hilarity.

Buy more expensive cleaning and paper products. Clearly, if it is more expensive, it must be more environmentally friendly.

Remember Al Gore is the greatest of all environmentalists! Especially when he’s flying his private jet.

Do you really need that daily shower? Really?

What car would Jesus drive? Probably a Hummer, because Jesus was sweet.

Recycled paper bags, while less effective, are more environmentally friendly condoms.

Don't conform. Refuse to pay people in cash or credit cards, because both use our plastic and paper resources. Who cares if people call you a "terrorist", even if you are one?

Remember, when other people are not environmentally perfect, make sure to call them out on it. You are, and they'll really appreciate the reminder.

Reading these helpful hints wastes electricity. Stop reading this, and turn off your computer and your lights, you callous bastard.

April Fools!